Finish Line

Is in view. I have to create a PowerPoint presentation, which I have to present on Thursday this week, and I have to write and revise a 10-page paper by a week from tomorrow. I get peer reviews of the paper, revise again, and it's due the Wednesday after (May 6th). Then I'm done.

My graduation cap, gown, and hood are sitting on the dining room table.

I can't believe that this two-year odyssey is almost over. There have been times I thought I would quit. There are times that I have been more tired than in the first few months of one of my kid's lives (not necessarily more sleepy, but more down-to-my-bones tired), and I never thought I'd find something that was more demanding than the first few months of motherhood. It has taken its toll, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, not just on me but on the people I love.

Mostly, I find myself wondering how I'd have done things differently those first few months of long-term subbing. I know so much more than I did then, have learned so much, have become such a different presence in the classroom than I was. I thought I was pretty amazing then. I think I'm pretty good now, with the potential to be amazing eventually, and that I was suffering then from the DataBoy Syndrome: I find I'm pretty intuitively good at something that I know a little about, and so I think I'm wonderful because I don't even know what there is to not know yet or how badly I actually suck compared to someone who's really good.

I would not be where I am now if not for the support of Zander. He has provided hugs and shoulders when I needed them, and a kick in my whiny ass when I've needed it, not to mention the amount of personal time and professional time he has sacrificed to make my personal and professional life the focus the past two years. For these things, I am unconditionally and wholeheartedly grateful.

It is hoped that I will eventually be less insane. Time will tell if all this has been worth it. It doesn't really feel worth it right now. I'd probably feel differently if I didn't have to job hunt this summer. Someone's job was eliminated at the school, and she has tenure and a bunch of seniority on me, so she gets my job. I find myself in the unenviable position of hoping that someone else leaves so I can stay. Although I will admit there is a non-zero part of that connected, selfishly, to not wanting to have to pack up and move all my shit.

I ate'nt dead

Yet. Some days it's a near thing.

198 days to my graduation.

Breathing Space

Graduate summer classes done. What a giant pain in the ass. Although not as much of a pain in the ass as driving to Columbia once a week in the fall. Oy.

Attending internship this week, which is a giant pain in the ass AND a monu-fucking-mental waste of time. It's run by the cohort one year ahead of us and it's a complete mess. But at least when we're running it next year, we'll have witnessed a good example of what NOT to do. Christ, those people couldn't run a group of lemmings off a cliff.

I had an interview on Monday at High School #1 that went okay. I haven't decided if I like them. I did decide (before about 2 pm today) that if they offered me the job, I'd take it, but that if they hired someone else, that would be fine, too. I also got a call from High School #2 for an interview that I wound up turning down because the school is geographically undesirable.

Although that left me with only the Middle School #1 interview next week, and that's, well....middle school. Yuck.

Then I got a call this afternoon from High School #3 and talked to the English Dept. head. I had hunted down her name and email earlier in the week when I saw a job posting at HS3 (no contact name given) and sent her an email with my resume, qualifications, and references attached. When she called today, she said she had already talked to the English Department Head at Crime Wave High, who gave me a glowing recommendation. Never a bad thing to walk into an interview when the interviewer already has a positive impression of you. And I'd LOVE to work there (commute is 10-15 minutes, building is new-ish and NOT filled to capacity, reasonable suspension/attendance/graduation/dropout rates). She seemed psyched that I hadn't already been hired out from under her. Interview is at 7:15 tomorrow morning.

High School #4 called, too, so I scheduled them for 9:15, although they border on geographically undesirable and the person I spoke with on the phone didn't have a clear idea of what the position was.

With luck, by this time next week, I'll have some idea what and where I'll be teaching next month. Cross your fingers.

Hyperthetical situations

From my "Pre-internship" class, to prepare us for the realities of a classroom:

"While walking around the classroom, you notice one of your students has fallen asleep. You shake his shoulder gently to awaken him, and he wakes up suddenly, violently swinging his arms and screaming 'Don't touch me!' over and over. What could have been done to prevent this situation?"

Um...let's see...don't be a complete fucking dumbass?

"The fire alarm rings. The class looks expectantly at you. You vaguely mumble something about everyone getting their things and leaving. The students look at each other and go for the door. You shuffle out after them, wondering where you are supposed to meet. What could have been done to prevent this situation?"

Um...let's see...don't be a complete fucking dumbass?

"You found out at lunch that there's a pep rally today. The students are excited already, so you don't see any need why they would need more pepping. The pep rally is supposed to start at 1:30, but several of your students insist that if they are on fall athletic teams, pom squad, cheerleading, or other pep rally-related clubs, they are to leave at 1 p.m. You shrug and announce that the people who need to leave at 1 can leave at 1. The entire class leaves. What could have been done to prevent this situation?"

Um...let's see...don't be a complete fucking dumbass?

In this class, as in life, "don't be a complete fucking dumbass" is the answer to many, many questions.

Home Stretch

Last even day was yesterday, last odd day is today (I still haven't gotten used to the sign in the front office that announces "Today is: odd"...it gives me gigglepants every time). Tomorrow is a review day, and then the little darlings start exams.

Yesterday, when one of my students realized that it was our last class together, she cried and hugged me. I was really quite unprepared for that.

My first grad classes were also last night. The first runs from 4:15 to 6:40, the second runs from 6:50 to 9:15. One of the first assignments we have to complete is to prepare three lesson plans. Uhm...I think I got that, more or less. I mean, my lesson plans tend to be a series of 5-6 vague bullet points, just so I can remember what we're doing and in what order, but I generally don't make a lot of specific notes or directions. I know what I want to discuss and where I want the discussion to go. They prolly want more than that.

No word yet on where I'm going to be for the fall. Haven't even gotten any calls, which I found discouraging until I talked to some of my fellow grad slaves and discovered that they haven't gotten any, either.

Must.Go.Grade.Papers.